The rats
So, my Mum has a problem. There's rats running through her garden. Big, ugly, very unafraid of people, disease carrying rats. Understandably, she's not happy about this. Partly because they carry nasty diseases and she doesn't want Dad popping into the garden and catching something potentially serious due to his weakened immune system, partly because, well, they're RATS and who wants rats scampering across their lawn in front of their own eyes... in broad daylight... bold as brass!
The reason for the rats is the next door neighbour who distributes an entire loaf of bread over his lawn every day to feed the birds (and the rats evidently). She's tried plugging up the holes in the fence, the rats just found other holes or dug new ones. She's tried speaking to the neighbour, requesting he stops feeding the birds or gets a rat-defying bird table, he just offers to plug up the holes. She's even spoken to the council, who said they can't stop him feeding the birds and they'll put rat poison down (which was a highly unsatisfactory response in my mothers opinion as he should be FORCED to stop carpeting his lawn with baked goods daily. The pest control man just seemed keen not to get involved in a neighbourhood dispute). Now the neighbour has gotten really fed up of my mum knocking on his door and complaining at the whole bird feeding issue and came over last night to be all shouty. The situation wasn't helped by Mum calmly telling him that there was no need to swear and to calm down (he was using the word 'bloody' a lot apparently. A swear word in my mother's books). Think that just made him feel a tad patronised and indignant and I fear nothing was solved as she ended the conversatio by slamming the door in his face muttering he must be perfect.
Anyway, my Mum was recounting this whole saga to me yesterday as we wandered round the shops and I told her that she's done all she can do and that she'll just have to keep trying to poison them and hope they all drop down dead. She can't force the neighbour to bend to her will and I think he may secretly LIKE feeding the rats and any other wild animals that may visit his garden. Mum obviously took that as my siding with the enemy and insisted that was NOT all she can do. Her next plan of action is to wait until a rat drops dead in her garden and chuck it over the fence into his, to drive the point home. I can see this whole thing getting way out of hand... I have visions of my mum turning into some Sharon Osbourne character, lobbing hams over the next door neighbour's fence and shouting 'bloody' a lot (if you never watched The Osbournes, you'd have no idea what I am talking about with the whole ham incident).
P.S Mum if you're reading this, sorry, it was too good not to blog. Don't worry, no one will know it's you, the blog is anonymous (apart from those who know me... and er... therefore you). To everyone else who is reading this, if you know my Mum, DON'T TELL HER I BLOGGED IT! She'll have my guts for garters... thanking you all very much...
The reason for the rats is the next door neighbour who distributes an entire loaf of bread over his lawn every day to feed the birds (and the rats evidently). She's tried plugging up the holes in the fence, the rats just found other holes or dug new ones. She's tried speaking to the neighbour, requesting he stops feeding the birds or gets a rat-defying bird table, he just offers to plug up the holes. She's even spoken to the council, who said they can't stop him feeding the birds and they'll put rat poison down (which was a highly unsatisfactory response in my mothers opinion as he should be FORCED to stop carpeting his lawn with baked goods daily. The pest control man just seemed keen not to get involved in a neighbourhood dispute). Now the neighbour has gotten really fed up of my mum knocking on his door and complaining at the whole bird feeding issue and came over last night to be all shouty. The situation wasn't helped by Mum calmly telling him that there was no need to swear and to calm down (he was using the word 'bloody' a lot apparently. A swear word in my mother's books). Think that just made him feel a tad patronised and indignant and I fear nothing was solved as she ended the conversatio by slamming the door in his face muttering he must be perfect.
Anyway, my Mum was recounting this whole saga to me yesterday as we wandered round the shops and I told her that she's done all she can do and that she'll just have to keep trying to poison them and hope they all drop down dead. She can't force the neighbour to bend to her will and I think he may secretly LIKE feeding the rats and any other wild animals that may visit his garden. Mum obviously took that as my siding with the enemy and insisted that was NOT all she can do. Her next plan of action is to wait until a rat drops dead in her garden and chuck it over the fence into his, to drive the point home. I can see this whole thing getting way out of hand... I have visions of my mum turning into some Sharon Osbourne character, lobbing hams over the next door neighbour's fence and shouting 'bloody' a lot (if you never watched The Osbournes, you'd have no idea what I am talking about with the whole ham incident).
P.S Mum if you're reading this, sorry, it was too good not to blog. Don't worry, no one will know it's you, the blog is anonymous (apart from those who know me... and er... therefore you). To everyone else who is reading this, if you know my Mum, DON'T TELL HER I BLOGGED IT! She'll have my guts for garters... thanking you all very much...
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