The Daily Mail list of cancer causes... basically... EVERYTHING!

I spotted this tweet by Derren Brown yesterday and I have to admit it made me chuckle. Some guy started a "The Daily Mail list of 'Things that give you cancer'" group on facebook, stating:

Here is a shortlist of some of the things the Daily Mail think give you cancer. Some of these may sound completely ridiculous, but I guarantee that each one of these are all GENUINE claims made by that informative paper I'm forced to buy for my mother every day for the past decade, probably longer.

I also want to thank the Daily Mail for alerting me (and all middle class mothers in the UK) that cancer is nearly everywhere, because (as journalists working for a tabloid) they are suitable to advise me on my personal health, not stupid doctors or hospitals, ppfftt. I don’t know how I managed to survive before reading their articles on ‘facebook-bullying’ or the evil Muslim people living on my street. Before, I was lost, drooling into my cereal watching Jeremy Kyle like a puny working class person. Now I know to just stay inside, like a hermit, live on pure oxygen and dust particles and generally hate the Labour government, no matter how similar it is to the Tories. May the Queen bless the Daily Mail.
I share this guy's pain. The Daily Mail is solely responsible for my mother stockpiling bottled water and handing me umpteen highlighted newspaper clippings on how prawns are poisonous and wifi will rot your brain. If you want to read his full diatribe click here!

According to this informative and leading authority on carcinogens, the following WILL GIVE YOU CANCER! Beware! (perhaps I shall now hiberate myself up in a hermetically seale, pitch black (sunlight AND artificial light are both apparently very dangerous), cryogenic (don't want to get old, may get cancer) bubble....

Seriously, if I took the advice of this entire list, I'd be a miserable (lack of chocolate), extremely grumpy (no caffeine), single, childless, vegan virgin with rather pongy bad body odour and smelly breath! Perhaps someone at The Daily Mail should try avoiding the entire compiled list above for a week and see how they get on? I reckon they'll last 3 days max, probably less thanks to the inclusion of water in the above!

On a serious note,  I know that cancer is no laughing matter. My family has been affected by it just like so many others out there. My father has had lymphoma and whilst he has now had the all clear, I still have a donation campaign running for lymphoma and cancer. Please donate if this post made you smile!

A big thank you to Hugh Davies who created the facebook group and took the considerable time to compile the above list!


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