Shutting up that body dismorphic gremlin
Today I have been browsing through old photos. Photos of nights out with work colleagues, parties, holidays. It all seems like so long ago... Things have changed so much. Not that I'm complaining. It's just a new chapter. A happy exciting one at that. But anyway, that's not what today's post it about. Today's post is about the sudden realisation that dawn ed on me as I was paging through all my hundreds of Facebook photo albums.
For all those years of complaining I needed to lose weight, of watching what I ate and wishing I was thinner, needlessly comparing myself to all my friends, girls on the street or TV, I've realised it was totally unnecessary. Now that I'm almost 11 stone (yes. count them. 11! I've put on almost 3 stone since getting up the duff! I'm partly praying it is all baby, which means it's not fat, but also praying it's not because I do NOT want to push out a humongous 9lbs baby and rip myself in half!) I've come to the conclusion that I looked fab as 8 stone! Trying to get below a weight that my body seemed to just naturally want to stay at was stupid. Flicking through photo after photo, staring in awe at my skinny toned arms and teeny tiny waist (which is now lost under a thick layer of baby blubber) and washboard stomach (which is now just one big fat bowling ball), I can finally see what everyone else saw. That I really was skinny and didn't need to slim down any further! Even when I was 8 weeks pregnant I thought "OMG everyone will guess I'm pregnant, I'm HUGE!", in actuality my stomach was still pretty flat! It's like waking from some body dismorphic dream and taking off these warped glasses that made you see the reflection in a mirror at the fun fair. Now, however, I am huge. My thighs rub together when I walk, my arms look chunky, and I have a big fat moon face. But then again, part of me thinks "er, that's the part of you talking that sees 10lbs bigger than you are... you really look fine for a 8 months pregnant gal!". Not that I'm upset about my weight. Im pregnant. I know I cant stay a size 8 (even if I was a *little* traumatised when i had to opt for size 12 maternity jeans at the weekend!). I just need to shut up that evil little gremlin that whispers "daaaaamn your hips are HUGE" or "wow turkey neck, look at that double chin!". It can go to hell. I look fine!
For all those years of complaining I needed to lose weight, of watching what I ate and wishing I was thinner, needlessly comparing myself to all my friends, girls on the street or TV, I've realised it was totally unnecessary. Now that I'm almost 11 stone (yes. count them. 11! I've put on almost 3 stone since getting up the duff! I'm partly praying it is all baby, which means it's not fat, but also praying it's not because I do NOT want to push out a humongous 9lbs baby and rip myself in half!) I've come to the conclusion that I looked fab as 8 stone! Trying to get below a weight that my body seemed to just naturally want to stay at was stupid. Flicking through photo after photo, staring in awe at my skinny toned arms and teeny tiny waist (which is now lost under a thick layer of baby blubber) and washboard stomach (which is now just one big fat bowling ball), I can finally see what everyone else saw. That I really was skinny and didn't need to slim down any further! Even when I was 8 weeks pregnant I thought "OMG everyone will guess I'm pregnant, I'm HUGE!", in actuality my stomach was still pretty flat! It's like waking from some body dismorphic dream and taking off these warped glasses that made you see the reflection in a mirror at the fun fair. Now, however, I am huge. My thighs rub together when I walk, my arms look chunky, and I have a big fat moon face. But then again, part of me thinks "er, that's the part of you talking that sees 10lbs bigger than you are... you really look fine for a 8 months pregnant gal!". Not that I'm upset about my weight. Im pregnant. I know I cant stay a size 8 (even if I was a *little* traumatised when i had to opt for size 12 maternity jeans at the weekend!). I just need to shut up that evil little gremlin that whispers "daaaaamn your hips are HUGE" or "wow turkey neck, look at that double chin!". It can go to hell. I look fine!
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