Winds of change
I've been in a slight melancholic, soul searching mood the past week. Maybe it's post holiday blues, maybe it's a "almost 30" crisis, but I have been questioning everything about my life so far. I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, sometimes exporting and re-exporting the same spreadsheets over and over again, writing and re-writing marketing emails, and for what? Where's the passion for the job, the excitement that you're doing something worthy. What difference am I making to the world? What mark am I leaving behind when I'm gone?
I'm not saying I am the most talented person in the world, but I have so many ideas in my head, so many creative seeds dying to be planted... and I have a horrible habit of pressing them into the soil, letting them germinate, and then walking off to let them fend for themselves, forgotten. Should I be writing that book that I always said I wanted to get published? Or pursuing the teaching career I never got started on after my degree? Or maybe something totally different like opening that tea room selling cakes that I always said I'd love to do, just like my Mum did. There's this niggling feeling like I'm supposed to be doing something a little bit more worth while, a little bit more compassionate, creative and fulfilling... I just don't know what it is... and there's this weight like gravity only stronger sucking all the energy out of me, pulling me to the ground (or chaining me to my desk), making it hard to just move forward one step at a time. It's time for change.
...would help if it paid the bills too.
I'm not saying I am the most talented person in the world, but I have so many ideas in my head, so many creative seeds dying to be planted... and I have a horrible habit of pressing them into the soil, letting them germinate, and then walking off to let them fend for themselves, forgotten. Should I be writing that book that I always said I wanted to get published? Or pursuing the teaching career I never got started on after my degree? Or maybe something totally different like opening that tea room selling cakes that I always said I'd love to do, just like my Mum did. There's this niggling feeling like I'm supposed to be doing something a little bit more worth while, a little bit more compassionate, creative and fulfilling... I just don't know what it is... and there's this weight like gravity only stronger sucking all the energy out of me, pulling me to the ground (or chaining me to my desk), making it hard to just move forward one step at a time. It's time for change.
...would help if it paid the bills too.
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