I'm so tired...

I'm so tired.

I'm tired of waking up every half an hour from 3am to 7am.

I'm tired of spending up to an hour at a time painstakingly removing a dummy and coaxing my baby to drink her milk asleep. Still.

I'm tired of hearing how all the other mums love being a mum.

I'm just plain bloody tired.

I feel cheated out of my daughters first year. I'd be lying if I said I've enjoyed it. Truth be told so far I've hated it. I'm so jealous of the mums who say they love being a mum. Who get to do fun thing with their little ones, like play groups and sing-a-long sessions. I'd love to do all those things with my little one. I'd love to not have to stick to a regimental routine, revolving around naps so I can get my child to drink enough milk asleep to maintain a healthy weight. 10 months. 10 months of worrying if I should go out and use the white noise in the shopping centre to get her to nap, even though I don't need anything from the shops, or try feeding her at home in silence in her nursery. 10 months of clock watching. 10 months of counting oz of milk consumed. 5 months spent trying to encourage my child to eat solids, only for her to clamp her mouth shut. 

Don't get me wrong, I love her more than anything, and watching her crawl, say her first word, smile at me with her cheeky smile, kiss me and crawl into my lap makes the stress worthwhile. But it's almost time for me to return to work, and I feel like I've barely enjoyed my baby. 

Yeah. I'm not feeling great today.