Fashion fails

I got the idea for this blog post this morning as I was walking to work and a lady, in a very short mini skirt, cycled past me. Obviously, if you're cycling, your legs are unavoidably spread apart... unless you're able to cycle one-legged, which would be an amazing feat. Needless to say, this lovely lady was not gifted with that particular talent, and so zoomed past me straddling her bicycle, happily peddling along, and flashed her knickers at all and sundry that happened to be looking her way. How can someone not equate mini skirt + bicycle = embarrassing underwear exposure?! And it got me thinking of all the other fashion fails I see on the way to work. 

I don't know if I'm the only (rather weird) person who happens to have a running internal commentary in their head... I suspect not, judging by JD in Scrubs (if you haven't watched it, where have you been?!)... but anyway, every morning I rather guiltily have a continuous internal monologue rattling through my brain. It can be rather scathing when my eyes wander across someone dressed like a total idiot. Thank god I don't have torretts. I'd not survive a day without getting lamped! Now that's not to say that I think I am particularly the best dressed person in the world, far from it, but I like to think that I would never walk out of the house and generate stares because I looked like a total clown!

So, this woman who was merrily peddling along the south bank, unawares that she was flashing her skimpy whites to a whole host of Friday morning commuters, got me thinking of all the other ridiculous outfits and hideous sights I've seen on the way to work. Such as the other woman who huffed past me a few months back, who was laboriously cycling uphill on her Boris bike, kitted out with cycling gear, helmet, t-shirt... and cycling shorts that were evidently two sizes too small and therefore not large enough to cover her rather ample bottom... resulting in a copious amount of bum crack and a rather nasty looking thong on display. *shudder*

Then there was the very chunky lady who was walking in front of me along the platform at Blackfriars, who had a HELL of a lot of junk in her trunk and was wearing what was a totally reasonable length black skirt from the front. The only issue was that her behind was so large, that it took up several extra inches of fabric to cover it up, meaning that whilst the front of her skirt was below the knee, the back of her skirt barely covered her ass cheeks. I can tell you it was NOT pleasant walking behind her, getting unavoidable glimpses of very very VERY upper thigh and bum cheek every time she took a step. *cringe*

And it's not just clothes. Hairstyles set me off with an internal rant too! Like the complete FOOL who walks past me frequently over Blackfriars bridge. I'm sure he thinks having dreadlocks are very very cool... but someone really should tell him that one single, very thick chunky dread the size of a cumberland sausage (literally one... the rest of his hair is cut very short!), situated bang smack in the middle of his head so that it constantly falls right across his face and into his eyes, meaning he has to flick it out of the way every 2 seconds to see where he is walking, is not only dangerous, but also looks completely and utterly STUPID!

It makes me wonder do NONE of these people own mirrors? Do their partners have no conscience at all? I pray that it I'm about to step out of the house with my skirt tucked into my knickers, that hubby to be would tell me that I look a complete state! Fashion police! Southbank NEEDS YOU!