Coming 2015...

Yup, that is a baby scan... Of baby Fung number 2! I swore I wouldn't have another after nearly ending up on anti-depressants and feeling like I was having a nervous breakdown coping with munchkin's reflux and feeding refusal, feeding for 12 months in a dark silent room whilst she was asleep, but fast forward 28 months and here I am, pregnant again! Amazing what time makes you forget! 

I genuinely questioned whether I'd have a second after the first 18 months of munchkin's life. To say it was tough is a massive understatement. Anyone who has never dealt with behavioural feeding issues and reflux will never understand the strain it puts not only on your own sanity but the rest of the family too. But back in August, I fell pregnant. It was unplanned and I found out at 4 weeks which was pretty early, so it was a shock and I had to mentally adjust to the idea of potentially having to go through it all again... and then I miscarried at 6 weeks. I was devastated. I'd gotten used to the idea of having another baby and had gotten excited. Then I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating lower back pain and started bleeding. I knew the baby was gone, and had a scan to confirm it. I never realised how much a miscarriage takes out of you. My immune system plummeted, I was exhausted, caught a cold and lost my voice and the hormones made me feel even worse, making me tearful and emotionally drained. I didn't think I'd want another, but after getting pregnant and accepting I was, I decided I wanted to try again. I never realised how many women miscarry, and when you do, you question if it was your fault, if it was something you did, and why did it happen to you. In reality, it's so common, but no one talks about it. I know a handful of friends who have miscarried more than once, but no one talks about it unless you mention you miscarried yourself. I can understand why but it's such a shame so many women feel so isolated when they go through it themselves, so I'm quite happy to be open about it. I chalk it up to something being wrong and it wasn't meant to be. I know, easy for me to say now I'm pregnant again but I genuinely felt like that before I fell pregnant again.

Fast forward one month later, and I'm pregnant again! Miracle! I'm so blessed and I know it... but my god is it harder this time round! I've felt rotten, thrown up, been completely exhausted, and crampy and bloated. At 14 weeks I look humongous and I'm still needing naps whenever I can grab them (which isn't often!). I remember now I hate being pregnant! Some women thrive being pregnant and "glow", I just feel bloated, crampy and a bit fed up. But it'll all be worth it! I just hope the munchkin copes with being a big sister well... so far she's on a man hating mission and when I ask her if she wants a baby she says "a baby sister". I have a gut feeling it's a boy! >.<